bipolar, my hidden demons. Disordered feelings

Bipolar, a pain I can imagine because I have it, I've been diagnosed since I was age 24 I'm now 31 years old, so a late diagnosis. Bipolar has ruined my life, I rarely feel true happiness, only a euphoria that isn't real. A high that can last for days but not for a life time that others wish for. Bipolar has made me wish to commit suicide, to end it all.

Life has never been black and white, always intermingled with grey, browns and whatever shadows that come between. Forever searching for the now, even though life itself is just random, and not so perfect.

Feeling imperfect yet trying to perfect, 24/7, my brain is clogged like how pores get clogged with pus and scream with irritated acne. Feeling so caught up, yet so disconnected at the same time. Almost like trying to extract a wart, you scrape and dig.

Clinging to a normalcy that just isn't there, I make it up in my mind, forever clinging to a world of hope. The darkness can suck you in, however there is also a world of light heading towards you at a lightning speed.


It can pound you into the ground, or sky rocket you to the sky, bipolar depression can have its moment of glory. Feeling elated, creative, sexy and like a goddess. Though it also has its demons, peaking around the corner.

Forever feeling guilty, like I am not worthy enough to be in my own skin. Feeling the skin burn when I've been in it too long.

Bipolar, I love it, and loath it. I live with it.

Have any of you had feelings or this kind of disorder?

Hugs Jess

my mac rant, worst mac experience ever!

Hi guys did you know I have a youtube? you didn't? well you do now! I went to mac over the weekend and just had to vlog about my poor service I received. Head over now to watch it!

mac rant

Not only do they seemingly have poor customer service, they make you as a customer wait to hand over our money? not cool Mac. We left feeling rather uninspired with the company, and I do realize that not all stores are like that however I do believe there is the old saying the proof is in the pudding.

Have you had any experiences from mac?
hugs Jess

getting those greens in diet update V8Juice

So today I'm starting on a juice fast hopefully will last 3 days, this is day one and I thought I'd update my stats and what I'm doing exactly. I've purchased 3 bottles of v8 juice mainly cause of the convienance and the fact they were on sale for $3.50 a bottle at Coles Supermarket when I did the shopping last night. My current weight loss has been good but I've been stagnent for awhile and I thought this would boost my metabolism.

Stats.
Height:  173cm
Weight: 85kg approx 6 kgs overweight
Weight loss to date: 29kg

So I bought 3 flavours of the v8 jusice,
the Purple power one, the healthy greens one, and the low sodium vegetable one

So this morning I had
Peppermint tea
3 glasses of water
one glass of green v8 Juice

The taste of the green v8 juice was mostly apple however it had slight notes of kale, cucumber and spinach so it was very refreshing. I actually liked the taste of it.

For Lunch I had a cup of the low sodium vegetable one which kinda tasted like cold tomato soup, so I think I might reserve that one for dinner and heat it up. It was good, but a little weird cold as I'm not used to tomato juice as a flavour.

I'll allow myself 1 cup of coffee no sugar, and maybe a little splash of almond milk.

For dinner I'll either have the purple power juice or a cup of steamed vegetables or maybe both depending on how hungry I feel after work!

So this is my diet plan at the current time, I'll be on my feet all afternoon, and will go for a brisk walk around the lake later on.

Let me know how yours are going if your on a diet, and lets support each other! follow me on instagram and twitter for more updates

twitter INSTAGRAM

big hugs
Jess

my thoughts on the Australis cream contour kit in light! cruelty free Australian beauty cheekbonesonfleek!

Hi lovelies, hope you are all doing well I went shopping the other day and some of you may know I have a huge obsession with contouring at the moment! I have about 5 contour palettes of different shapes and sizes from different brands. Well as I was browsing Priceline the other day, I noticed they had the much coveted Cream contour kit by Australis. I also saw that it was only $16.95 at the time which I didn't think about until today after my friend Mel told me its actually $24.95 so I actually think they had it wrongly priced! Sorrynotsorry for that little accidental bargain! haha.

It comes in very sleek packaging, the same type as the original powder one except now it has a mirror, only problem is, that the mirror doesn't really hold up on its own too well, but I generally do my make up in the bathroom anyways. But why can't a company get the dang mirror right in the first place lol. That's probably my only problem with it.

You get the typical six shades, 3 light and 3 dark, all ranging in different shades for different correcting reasons. This has been so highly raved about on instagram that I just had to get mine, the same reason why I bought the powder one as well heehee. However the shades are very pigmented, and quite creamy, I've heard some say that it drags on their skin however I haven't had that problem as I apply it with my fingers after warming it up slightly. Then I blend it all out with a Chichi Beauty blender.

I find warm shades actually suit my skintone better however I don't know about what cooler skin tone people will think with these shades. I love the banana shade, its fantastic at brightening the eyes and hiding dark circles.

so far this is only still quite new to me, I've never tried cream contouring before this so I'm still learning, I've only just got the hang of powder contouring and then they bring on this new trend! still I had to get it, what do you guys think of this new cream contouring trend? is it a hit, or a miss?

hugs Jess

deep set eye shadow make up for mature ladies winged eye liner for hooded eyes

Hi all today I created this video for youtube, how to create a classic eye make up look for mature ladies with deepset or hooded eyes

tutorial

let me know your thoughts
hugs Jess

I'm obsessed with contouring, Australis acontour contouring palette blog review

 Hi lovelies, I'm Jess and I have an addiction to contouring palettes! I have about 5 of them in varying sizes and shades. All drugstore but whenever they bring out a newbie I think ooh I need that one heehee. I'm not even saying I have my contouring game on fleek yet, but I'm getting better and that's what counts in my books.

The swatches aren't the best lol I've never been too crash hot at taking swatch photos but this one was the best one I came up with. I hope you get the gist. I love the yellow colour for setting under my eyes and brightening.

 Some people think this palette which is the first version of the Australis contour kit, was too powdery and hard to work with, but if you are light handed and blend as you go, its actually a very good product, I picked it up when Priceline was having their 40% off make up sale so I had grabbed a few make up bits and goodies.

 So learning to contour has been a bit of trial and error for me, having a rounder face does make it more of a struggle however I want to get there with it haha. For the price, I paid $11 something but its usually just under $17 its quite a handy product. The product can take a bit of blending but as I've said if you use a light hand, it works well.

Overall the shades work well, blend well and I feel is worth the hype. For under $20 you aren't going to break the bank.

Have you tried this one? or have you got the new released one? thoughts? let me know in the comments!

hugs

wish list

Hello all, tonight I am writing this and I'm sitting with a hair mask on and glad wrap over my head heehee, I realized I have never done a wishlist on this blog before and thought that it was well and truly about time that I fixed that problem

As you can see some are high end, and some are not, but they are all so very pretty a girl can wish right?

1. Morphee brushes.
First off Morphee brushes, I've heard so much hype over these I can only dream of ordering these one day! They seem to be a cult favourite and talked so much on instagram and youtube that everyone is gagging for them!

2. Milani baked blush in luminoso,
 I have delizioso pink and I love it! I only have a few of milani products which I received in a make up swap from a friend on Instagram. Another favourite cult brand me thinks.

3. Loreal Infallible foundation.
this might seem drugstore to the us however in Australia Loreal is exceedingly expensive and almost high end. I might have to look on ebay but I really do want to try this foundation out, foundations are a love of mine

4. Becca highlither.
Another love of mine is hightlighters, whilst I own Mary loumanizer I've heard such hype over these, on youtube and instagram again. I dream about having the cash to order such pretties!

so this is my ever so small wish list!

what's yours?

hugs Jess