Bipolar, a pain I can imagine because I have it, I've been diagnosed since I was age 24 I'm now 31 years old, so a late diagnosis. Bipolar has ruined my life, I rarely feel true happiness, only a euphoria that isn't real. A high that can last for days but not for a life time that others wish for. Bipolar has made me wish to commit suicide, to end it all.
Life has never been black and white, always intermingled with grey, browns and whatever shadows that come between. Forever searching for the now, even though life itself is just random, and not so perfect.
Feeling imperfect yet trying to perfect, 24/7, my brain is clogged like how pores get clogged with pus and scream with irritated acne. Feeling so caught up, yet so disconnected at the same time. Almost like trying to extract a wart, you scrape and dig.
Clinging to a normalcy that just isn't there, I make it up in my mind, forever clinging to a world of hope. The darkness can suck you in, however there is also a world of light heading towards you at a lightning speed.
It can pound you into the ground, or sky rocket you to the sky, bipolar depression can have its moment of glory. Feeling elated, creative, sexy and like a goddess. Though it also has its demons, peaking around the corner.
Forever feeling guilty, like I am not worthy enough to be in my own skin. Feeling the skin burn when I've been in it too long.
Bipolar, I love it, and loath it. I live with it.
Have any of you had feelings or this kind of disorder?
Hugs Jess
Showing posts with label bipolar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bipolar. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
living with chronic pain part one
Hello my lovelies, I'm so sorry for not being around, I don't have a terribly exciting story that goes with the blogging break but basically life got in the way and I've been unwell. For someone who lives with chronic pain things can take a turn for the worse quite easily. I don't really like talking about it because I don't like to dwell on it, however I did want to write this post because I think it could educate some people on illnesses that don't really have a certain look to them and people think you look normal and healthy.
I've had people assume I'm a happy and outgoing person because that is the front I put on, I'm not faking it but its somewhat easier than having to be asked if I'm all right all the time. I've even had people act surprised when I've told them I have bipolar. So these illnesses that might seem like they aren't real to some, are in fact very real to those who suffer them. Its been a total learning curve for myself as well finding out what my body can handle, learning my triggers etc.
I believe that life happens for a reason, sometimes we can cope and sometimes we can't. Lately I haven't been coping that well. Recently been diagnosed with chronic pain syndrome and going through the rounds of doctors, and tests, and trying different medications have left me drained and not myself.
But things are improving, my great circle of friends have supported me, and I'm slowly picking myself back up. So I wanted to share with you some fun moments I have been able to have when feeling better.
My friend Kiera trying the new vegemite cadburys flavoured limited edition chocolate today, I love this girl!
Sally my bestie trying the chocolate today! I have a video on their reacitons it was hilarious
link here
link to the video of us eating the vegemite flavoured chocolate
Treating myself to hot chips! they were so good!!
my partners favourite dinner at the moment is homemade taco's, this is a shared platter. And I love making them.
Seeing Royal night out with my girlfriend Angie, and saw this Minions sign thought it was so cute. Royal night out is a fantastic movie if you are into historical romances.
When I've worked at the opshop and created a display of miniatures.
I met my instagram friend Mel! and we're seeing each other again on Friday because she won tickets to the advance screening of Aloha and its hosted by Designer brands by db cosmetics company and we both get a $50 make up box worth of goodies!! so excited.
Video of meeting Mel my instagram friend can be found here
shopping at H&M meeting my instagram friend Mel
outfit of the day hosted by my work All Sorts opportunity shop and this was pin up inspired look video can be found here pinup inspired outfit of the day video
Mel and I were shopping at H&M and I was trying out hats
Mel and me resting in the city
Mel smelling the goodness at lush!
I drank some good portwine!
Lush goodness!
So that's been my month basically. I'm going back to the doctors tomorrow to find out some results tomorrow. School has literally taken over at the moment and have been bombarded with school work and assignments. But I'm trying to get a balance in things. Keyword is trying.
So hopefully you'll see me being a bit more regular!! keep in contact, I'd love to see how you are going and you can find me
Instagram
Instagram
I post pics everyday!
Twitter
Twitter
Tumblr
I post most days
http://batvvlove.tumblr.com/
Lots of love
Hugs Jess
I've had people assume I'm a happy and outgoing person because that is the front I put on, I'm not faking it but its somewhat easier than having to be asked if I'm all right all the time. I've even had people act surprised when I've told them I have bipolar. So these illnesses that might seem like they aren't real to some, are in fact very real to those who suffer them. Its been a total learning curve for myself as well finding out what my body can handle, learning my triggers etc.
I believe that life happens for a reason, sometimes we can cope and sometimes we can't. Lately I haven't been coping that well. Recently been diagnosed with chronic pain syndrome and going through the rounds of doctors, and tests, and trying different medications have left me drained and not myself.
But things are improving, my great circle of friends have supported me, and I'm slowly picking myself back up. So I wanted to share with you some fun moments I have been able to have when feeling better.
link here
link to the video of us eating the vegemite flavoured chocolate
Video of meeting Mel my instagram friend can be found here
shopping at H&M meeting my instagram friend Mel
So that's been my month basically. I'm going back to the doctors tomorrow to find out some results tomorrow. School has literally taken over at the moment and have been bombarded with school work and assignments. But I'm trying to get a balance in things. Keyword is trying.
So hopefully you'll see me being a bit more regular!! keep in contact, I'd love to see how you are going and you can find me
I post pics everyday!
Tumblr
I post most days
http://batvvlove.tumblr.com/
Lots of love
Hugs Jess
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